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Monday, Feb. 27, 2017

Too old to cut the mustard

Posted Monday, October 8, 2012, at 6:38 PM

You've heard the song or expression "too old to cut the mustard."

"I used to could jump just like a deer, now I need a new landing gear."

"I used to could jump a picket fence but now I'm lucky if I jump an inch."

That's a way of saying "you're over the hill," not a spring chicken.

You are unable to do a lot of things you did when you were younger.

There are ways to determine if you are too old to cut the mustard.

You think you might have taken your pills, but you aren't quite sure.

You carry an AARP card in your wallet.

You fall asleep while sitting up or reading a book.

You don't drive at night because you don't see so well, especially in the rain.

It's too much trouble to pack and go anywhere.

You need a magnifying glass to read the small print in the phone directory.

You often misplace things, then find them right where you left them.

You don't like child proof tops on your medicine bottles.

You prefer elevators, not stairs.

You are concerned about the future of Medicare and Social Security.

You still don't know how to set the clock on your VCR.

You wear sensible shoes with thick inserts, no high heels.

When you go shopping, you always check out the restroom.

You carry a rain bonnet, a small flashlight and a fold up umbrella, just in case, and a small bottle of hand wash because there are germs everywhere.

You never go anywhere without a cardigan sweater, just in case.

Hot dogs and spicy foods give you heartburn.

You seldom eat ice cream, pie, or cake because they aren't good for you.

You take advantage of those senior discounts, usually 10 percent.

And you clip coupons.

You go to a reunion and someone says, "You haven't changed a bit." (No, except you have a pot belly, gray hair, and bags and sags).

When you go to the mall, you can't remember where you parked.

Young people (waitresses) call you honey and sweetie when they wait on you.

You have aches and pains from stem to stern.

Bingo is an exciting outing.

Sneezing is hazardous to your undergarment.

You wish people would stop mumbling.

You don't like phones that are smarter than you are.

Necessities are a heating pad and a hearing aid.

You used to cook three meals a day but now you eat out or microwave.

You miss the old movie stars like Cary Grant, Gregory Peck, Errol Flynn, Betty Grable and Ginger Rogers.

You watch television and wonder who those leading actors are, and who are those rock stars gyrating on stage, yelling into a microphone. They probably never heard of Frank Sinatra or Johnny Mathis or Nat King Cole.

Your favorite t.v. shows are reruns of Andy Griffith and The Waltons.

You don't like all those dust catchers but you hate to give them away because they were gifts.

You get irritated at unsolicited prerecorded phone calls.

Okay, some oldsters may not be able to accomplish what they once did, but in many ways, they are "up to snuff" in areas of leadership, community service, and guidance.

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From these hills
By Peggy Johnson
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