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A pizza marriage

Posted Tuesday, October 4, 2011, at 2:35 PM

Last Sunday I watched a minister, Kerry Shook, bake a pizza on Trinity Broadcasting Network television.

I admit that's the first time I've seen that done to illustrate a point.

He was talking about marriage and relationships.

As he ministered, he put the ingredients together.

First came the crust, representing the foundation of a marriage. That foundation is love, he said.

That is the key. A marriage pizza must have love, according to God's cookbook.

He rolled out the crust, then shaped it onto a round metal pizza pan.

Then he added the red sauce which gives flavor. He spread the special tomato sauce over the center, leaving edges uncovered.

He then added seasonings, including oregano, and raw vegetables, including bell pepper, artichoke centers, black olives, various cheeses, and some Canadian bacon.

As he prepared and cooked the healthy pizza, he detailed the recipe for lasting relationships, especially pertaining to marriage. It's about meeting each other's needs, trying to understand each other.

Women, he said, are connecters, while men compartmentalize and bury their emotions in a box. Men are fixers while a woman focuses on feelings. Men have deep emotions, but a tough exterior.

Both seek security and companionship.

A man wants to be respected. He needs encouragement, affirmation, and wants to feel competent.

A wife needs to feel she has protection and she wants to be treasured, valued.

She focuses on feelings, emotions. He needs to try to understand, to connect with her feelings. She has pop up emotions and talks a lot to connect.

She doesn't always want him to solve her problem, but she does want him to listen.

Rev. Shook quoted the scripture Romans 12:9 which says, "Honor one another above yourselves."

In marriage, it is not 50/50. Instead it should be 100 percent on both sides, Rev. Shook said.

1 Peter 3:8 says, "Finally, all of you live in harmony with one another."

Well, I think that's a tall order. But worth striving for.

Problems arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think, feel or act the way we do.

First, men and women approach problems with similar goals but with different considerations.

Their approach and the process are often different. For women, solving a problem can impact whether they feel closer and less alone or whether they feel less connected.

For most men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to show his competence, his strength of resolve. Men have a way of tending to dominate and to assume authority in a problem solving process. They don't always attend well to the quality of the relationship while solving the problem.

Perhaps all she wants is to vent her feelings.

Over time, I've watched a lot of marriages. At first the couples are so in love, they can find no wrong. Then comes the "leaving the toilet lid up" phase or the "lid off the toothpaste" syndrome.

Annoying habits crop up; disenchantment.

Maybe life becomes humdrum, monotonous.

Eventually, the comfortable phase enters.

Some husbands and wives know what their spouses are thinking, before they speak.

They know their likes and dislikes, preferences.

And they agree to disagree.

So let's face facts. Women are better at communicating, than men, and more interested in doing so.

Men are better at opening jars.

That's because, usually, a male has more muscles in his arms and hands than the female does.

So, accept the fact that men and women are different and always have been.

But either could add a little more spice to the pizza.

Gen 2:18, Romans 12:10, Proverbs 31:10, Proverbs 3:26, 1 Cor.7:2-3, Col 3:18-19, Eph. 5:32.

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From these hills
By Peggy Johnson
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